Dating a pleaser
which aren’t the reasons that you want someone to be spending time with you.Oh, what are other traits of a nice guy or a people-pleaser?
We hide ourselves away and wonder why we don’t feel known or loved.But if you fall away from your truth — if you do something that you don’t want to do, just to make me happy — then our connection gets lost. Truth is the only way for us to feel known by the people we care about. When we focus on pleasing others — which I’ve done my whole life and you might have, too — we lose contact with ourselves. You can’t feel connected to someone else if you aren’t connected to yourself.Your truth is how I’m able to connect with you, and that’s what I want.”Whoa. I stared at him, speechless, taking in the immensity of what he had just said. That’s what makes the urge to please others so crazy!And I was completely shocked by how he responded.“Shelly,” he said, looking me directly in the eye, unwavering, “the only thing I want from you is your truth.I don’t want your ‘yes.’ I don’t want your ‘no.’ I want what’s real for you.”I’m pretty sure my mouth dropped open at that point. He continued, “When you’re in your truth, I get to be connected with you. And therefore, we automatically lose contact with the other person.
When I started dating the man I’m currently with, we had an interaction that I’m pretty sure transformed my relationships with men forever. My decision led to one of the most profound interactions I’d ever had with a man.