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If you are the type of person who tries to get a sliver of jalapeno on every nacho, then you have come to the right place.With a list of eerily specific guidelines—covering everything from the perfect screen name to the wording of that first message—science has the looking for love covered.And for those who judge breakthroughs in online dating insignificant in the annals of scientific discovery, even Carl Sagan knows that “For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”The Perfect Handle Men are simple creatures, the science suggests, so obvious screen names are the most effective.Men gravitate towards positive handles—this isn’t the place for self-deprecation—that intimate the person on the other side of the screen is sexy (stuff like “Blondie” and “Cutie”).Meanwhile, women prefer a screen name that makes its owner sounds smart (“Made Up Of Star Stuff,” perhaps? Interestingly enough, the letters that make up your screen name may be even more important than the words they form.

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“There is an opportunity to exploit the name-similarity effect by browsing extensively before registration, identifying profiled names of people who you find attractive, and then choosing a similar screen name,” the authors write.

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